Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

Airing: Tulane Goggles

Emilie Eliopoulos | Staff Artist

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Dear seemingly-attractive men of Tulane,

When it comes to guys, a Tulane ten is like a real world eight. Yet we’ve become so conditioned to the epidemic known as “Tulane Goggles” that our judgment has clouded over. Tulane goggles are what make our meals at Bruff tolerable and behavior during Mardi Gras acceptable. When boys are involved, these handy-dandy spectacles are often what set the hot guys apart from the slightly-less-hot guys. I may have 20/20 vision, but with Tulane goggles, sevens become nines right before my eyes.

For a coed school, Tulane has a dismal male to female ratio of about 2 to 3, making the selection scarce — at least for those of us looking for a man. It has gotten to the point where you have to be a Megan Fox or a Rihanna to get an Adam Sandler or a Paul Giamatti, and that, my guy, is unfortunate. And I’m not even talking solely about looks — I’m including other personality traits and factors that us gals may graciously overlook or justify in the presence of a gorgeous face.

Do you argue with your professors in class even though you are brutally wrong? Do you treat women like Bruff ToGo containers, recycling or throwing us away after a single use? Do you mansplain as you manspread unapologetically? The answer to these questions range from ‘Yes’ to ‘Probably,’ but if you are relatively cute, you most likely get away with it every day. Too many of us fear there is no alternative, and don’t realize that we can do so much better.

I mean, who do you think you are? I’ll tell you: you think you are God’s gift to earth, the creme de la creme, the Beyoncé to less-conventionally-attractive guys’ Michelle — emphasis on the “you think.” I took off my Tulane goggles, and now I can see past the Adonis facades. If this sounds hypercritical, I’m sorry. My parents didn’t raise me to judge people based on their looks. They raised me to judge them based on their character … and their looks. And I encourage everyone to do the same.

Sincerely,

A ten who’s done with twos

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Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans
Airing: Tulane Goggles