This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

Despite countless possibly false allegations of brutal hazing, druggings and blatant homophobia, fraternities remain steadfast in their dedication to the Tulane University community. Students tend to jump to attack fraternities, but have they considered the stressors fraternity men face on the daily? 

First of all, men are already a minority on campus. At Tulane, 39% of undergraduates are men, and only 42% of students on campus are involved in a Greek life organization. The percentage of men in a cool fraternity is even lower. Ultimately, fraternity men are easy targets for student hate, and there are simply not enough men in Greek life to combat this abuse. It is impossible to understand the toll it takes on a person to open up Fizz and see that your brotherhood, the young men who have shaped who you are, have been voted as the frat most likely to cry during sex. 

Furthermore, involvement in a Greek life organization takes an incredible amount of time. Attending countless parties can interfere with academics and hobbies. This stress is exasperated by the responsibility of finding a date for formal events. It is unbelievably stressful deciding between taking a frat groupie or your ex-girlfriend from second semester freshman year. Some may even call their moms to ask for guidance when faced with such decisions. 

Even if you stay home from events to focus on your 10 question quiz that your brother already sent you the answers to, you run the risk of missing content in various group chats. You might skim over a Groupme text about your pledge class playing die in the backyard. Just imagine the FOMO that they endure during finals. 

The financial burden of joining a fraternity is also considerable. Dues go to a variety of expenditures, including food, alcohol, parties, alcohol and parties. And sometimes, the food isn’t even good. Imagine being served a cold po’boy after using a thousand dollars of your parents’ money to be in a completely unnecessary social group. 

Additionally, fraternities are some of the most socially conscious groups on campus. Let’s not act like the one Take Paws event per semester doesn’t take time and resources to make happen. Also, since no fraternities actually release financial statements providing any proof of their donations, it is entirely possible that they are donating more money than they claim and are just remaining humble. 

Not only are they social justice warriors defending free speech when a fatphobia incident arises, but they are also leading the clean energy movement on campus. SAE recently installed solar panels. Although they will miss nights filled with chain smoking cigarettes on their roof, they will gain the title of most green group on campus. No one sees solar panels at the commons. 

It is hard to conceptualize the trouble fraternity men endure at Tulane. It is important to always look at both sides to the story and not just jump on the bandwagon of hating the cool, popular guys.