Dear Freshmen and Aspiring RAs,

I know that you all dream of living in the most luxurious dorm on campus, but let me tell you about the hidden gem known as Irby Hall. Designed to resemble a steamboat, Irby always operates smoothly. If you choose to throw yourself into the ring and compete with your fellow Tulanians to live here, you could end up having the time of your life.

For example, like one of my suitemates, you could end up randomly living in the same room that your father did when he came to Tulane in the ’80s. Did I mention the room would be in original condition? You might even be able to see the marks on the walls from your dad’s glory days. So fun and rustic!

The bathroom, however, is the biggest perk of all. Not only is it a fun alternative to an actual common room — it’s a veritable social hub — but there’s always something going on. Like the flooding that happened in not one, not two, but three different bathrooms this semester.

One morning, I woke up to the pungent smell of black water. I immediately called Service Wave to come help our suite out, and save our beautiful, sinking steamboat. The black grimy water was not only overflowing from the sink, but it was also slowly coating all of our bathroom products and rugs.

After more than five members of the maintenance team had come into the mess and exclaimed “Oh crap, I am going to need more gear,” and approximately seven hours had passed, our bathroom was almost as good as new. Good ol’ Irby withstood another disaster.

I can’t wait to see what’s in store next. I am truly pained that I will have to move out of my spider-filled, constantly dirty dorm. Some may say that Willow Residences and SoHo, known as Weatherhead Hall, are similar to spacious hotel suites, but if you ever actually stepped foot in Irby, you would see that it basically resembles the Waldorf Astoria Presidential Suite, and has more charm than all the other dorms put together.

Sincerely,

An Irby Inhabitant