Dear Suitemates,

Do you hear that annoying sound? It started out as a few light taps, a polite sound, really. But now it’s something louder and more pressing. It’s almost as if there is someone trying to bang down a door. Yeah, that’s me, locked out of the bathroom. Can you please unlock the door? While we’re on the subject of the bathroom, there are a few things we need to address.

There are many wonders of the world: The Great Pyramid of Giza, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon and your hair clumps in our shower. It’s amazing that there’s any hair left on your head considering how much of it is in our drain. Every night I dream that I will one day come back from class and our drain will be cleared from the tumbleweeds of your hair, but alas, my dreams continue to be left in the dust. That bloodcurdling scream you heard a few weeks ago? That was me fighting the monster in our drain. Like an iceberg, there is way more beneath the surface and let me assure you: it is not pretty.

Speaking of mountainous things, there is a mountain of trash in our bathroom. It’s been overflowing for a week, yet you don’t seem to have an issue with it. Do you ever wonder where the trash mysteriously goes? Wonder no more because I’ll tell you: I take the trash out. Every. Single. Time.

And finally, my dear suitemates, I would like to bring up the topic most dear to my heart. Dishes. By this I mean you can’t really think it’s acceptable to let used dishes sit unwashed for two months. You are an almost-real-life adult and a bowl you used to eat oatmeal should not and cannot sit cultivating mold like a petri dish for weeks on end. I hear you complaining about the unpleasant stench of the bathroom, and I would like to inform you that what you smell is wafting off of your blue, fuzzy, two-month old oatmeal.

While this anonymous letter might be more passive aggressive than the Post-it notes I leave in the bathroom, I hope it can be a message to suitemates everywhere: keep the bathroom clean.

Sincerely grossed out,

Your Suitemate