Football Season 101: Tackling the touchdown and the tailgate

Grab your fanny packs and slap on your dad caps, everyone – it’s time for tailgating season. Preparing to have the best tailgate experience possible can be stressful to those of us new to the pastime, so use this handy guide to have fun, no matter what the weather looks like!

  1.     Wear shoes you don’t mind getting destroyed. Even if it hasn’t rained in a few days, the ground will have turned into mud an hour into the event. While your slingback mules or new velvet Adidas may make for a great look, scrubbing dirt out of your shoes is not how you want to be spending your Sunday morning.
  2.     Find Rocco, the Rottweiler wearing a tiny Tulane football jersey. He’s super friendly, well trained, and is more than willing to grace your Instagram with a selfie or two.
  3.     Find an oversized Tulane t-shirt in the bottom of your closet from freshman year. Cut the collar off, then the sleeves and then cut it into a halter top. Make sure the shirt isn’t white. Beg your best friend to tie it onto you. Send up your prayers to the heavens that it doesn’t fall apart. Cut the shirt off at the end of the night because the knot was too tight to untie.
  4.     Don’t bring your umbrella. You’ll lose it and be mad, and hauling it around all afternoon is a pain, especially when the weather changes and it doesn’t rain at all. Embrace the fact that you’ll probably get soaked. Take hair ties to pull back the carefully blow-dried hairdo that you spent half an hour on when it eventually gets ruined.
  5.     Go to the bathroom BEFORE going to the tailgate. Port-o-johns are terrible. You know this. Besides, the LBC bathrooms are usually locked or full, and then you’re out of luck.
  6.     Find a tent sponsored by a religious group. They’ll have all the food you could ever want, and all you have to do is make a promise that you won’t keep to go to services next weekend.
  7.     Go to the frat tent where you know the most people. Say hello to everyone, pat some drunk guys on the back and ask if they’re doing all right, then steal whatever food or drinks they’ve got. You saw the chicken tenders a mile away, there’s no way you aren’t going to eat them.
  8.     Tailgate closes an hour before the game? No problem. Go to the Boot, shove your way to the front of the bar and ask for a water, because at this point, it’s too hot in New Orleans and you’re dehydrated. Trust me, you’re dehydrated. Dance some. Hang out on the curb if you get tired.
  9.     Wait, what do you mean, there’s a game going on? Wait, that’s what the tailgate is for? Isn’t it just for riding a rodeo bull and jumping in the bounce houses? Well, okay. Maybe check out the game. They might not get three personal foul calls this time!