This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

Every day, waves of students roam the campus, walking from class to class and from dorm to dorm. But in the monotonous crowd, a sole few stand out. You can spot them almost anywhere: tall people. 

As outcasts in the Tulane community, tall people lack representation on campus. Tulane’s up-and-coming Tall People Refuge was founded by sophomore Alotta Height and junior Barry Tall with the hopes of providing a space for the differently-lengthed to express themselves.

On a campus dominated by short kings, those above 5’11 face adversities of a different kind.

“Sometimes I’ll go to high-five one of my classmates and they can’t reach my hand,” Tall said. “It’s not the same when every high-five turns into a low-five.”

Height and Tall established the club this semester but have been struggling to gain a decent membership. With an undergraduate population of around 8,000 students, only about five members attend regular meetings.

To raise awareness for tall people on campus, the TPR plans on hosting events. The club is currently working on a walk-a-thon where students will be provided with stilts so that they can experience campus from a new perspective.

“We’re pouring almost all of our funding into this event, but we still don’t have enough stilts” Height said.

With the need for more funding, the TPR has been offering services for select prices. Students can pay for club members to help them up onto the platform at the Palms Bar and Grill, and, for an additional fee, students can have a club member push them up the pole at Palms and make them seem like they climbed all the way up by themselves. So far, the initiative has proved rewarding.

“We get a lot of shorter guys buying our services,” Tall said. “I think they like to be seen by the rest of the crowd, and I kind of like getting to hide behind the pole.”

While the TPR is an open space for those closer to the sky, Height has voiced issues with students trying to infiltrate the group.

“There’s a lot of people, boys especially, who came up to our table at the club fair,” Height said. “We hated the idea of turning people down so Barry came up with the idea to buy one of those ‘must-be-this-tall-to-ride’ signs, and that was pretty effective.”

The TPR hopes to expand as new students arrive on campus in the fall semester.

“I didn’t really know what I was going to have to deal with once I got to Tulane,” Height said. “Now that I’m here, I want incoming students to know that even though short kings run this school, tall people matter.”