Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

Navigate Left
  • Green Wave baseball heads to the Corvallis regional after winning back-to-back conference championships

    Baseball

    Green Wave Baseball wins back-to-back conference championships, will play in Corvallis regional

  • Available supplies include, but are not limited to, syringes, tourniquets, cookers and other paraphernalia, provided to cut down on sharing within the community.

    City

    Harm reduction in New Orleans, from pavement up

  • From blues to Cajun cuisine: the best of Jazz Fest 2024

    Arcade

    From blues to Cajun cuisine: the best of Jazz Fest 2024

  • Police have found two video cameras in campus bathrooms in recent months and arrested one former employee but said the cases do not appear to be connected.

    News

    Faculty, students deliver letters condemning Tulane’s response to pro-Palestinian encampment

  • Screenshot

    Letter to the Editor

    Letter to the Editor | Tulane faculty letter concerning campus protest

  • Jack Zinsser shows face.

    Arcade

    Helluva Hubbalagoo

  • Winners announced: Arcade A+ Awards

    Arcade

    Winners announced: Arcade A+ Awards

  • Michael Pratt was selected by the Green Bay Packers with the 245th overall pick in the seventh round of the 2024 NFL draft.

    Football

    Pratt, Jackson, others find landing spots in NFL

  • Letter from the Editor | In good hands

    Letter to the Editor

    Letter from the Editor | In good hands

  • Zion Williamsons injury in the NBA play-in was the final nail in the coffin for the New Orleans Pelicans season.

    Basketball

    Remembering New Orleans Pelicans: October 2023 – April 2024

  • Participants of the 2024 Tulane Student Film Festival. Courtesy of the Film Festival.

    Arcade

    Tulane hosts third annual student film festival

  • OPINION | Final exams: Are we finally done with them?

    Views

    OPINION | Final exams: Are we finally done with them?

  • OPINION | Science or not: Rethinking core curriculum

    Views

    OPINION | Science or not: Rethinking core curriculum

  • Screenshot

    Views

    Letter to the Editor | Silent killer: Why World Malaria Day matters

  • Police stand in front of protesters early Wednesday morning.

    City

    Pro-Palestinian protesters demand charges be dropped after police sweep at Tulane

Navigate Right
Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

flytedesk: Box (In-Story)
flytedesk (In-Story | Box)
flytedesk (Sidebar | Half Page)

FULLABALOO: Walter Isaacson to headline next social warrior club event

Walter Isaacson is ready to bring the heat into the ring (Nathan Rich)

This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. 

A new challenger has entered the ring. At 71 years old, renowned author, professor and former Supreme Leader of CNN Walter Isaacson is ready to take on a new career challenge, fighting in the next Social Warrior Club event against Tulane University fraternities’ top fighters. 

Despite having no fighting experience outside of an incident at this past New Orleans Book Festival, Isaacson is ready to turn his career around, citing Jake Paul as inspiration for going from celebrity to a respected fighter. If you go to Reily Recreation Center, odds are you have seen Isaacson working on his craft, building off of his signature right hand nudge that he executed to perfection during Book Fest. 

A professor in history and author of many acclaimed historical old white man biographies, Isaacson’s fighting inspirations go way beyond than Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali, to none other than our founding fathers such as Benjamin Franklin, whose advice on perfecting your fighting stance inspired Isaacson to write a biography about him:

“As they were making their way out, they went through a narrow passage and Mather suddenly warned, ‘Stoop! Stoop’ Franklin, not understanding the exhortation, bumped his head on a low beam. As was his wont, Mather turned it into a homily: ‘Let this be a caution to you not always to hold your head so high. Stoop, young man, stoop — as you go through this world — and you’ll miss many hard thumps.’”

As far as preparing his body for the fight, Isaacson has looked to none other than Renaissance painter and inventor Leonardo da Vinci, who Isaacson himself described as being “known in Milan not only for his talents but also for his good looks, muscular build, and gentle personal style.” 

Isaacson’s training will be put to the test in the next Social Warrior Club event, where he will face off against the best fighters Tulane Greek life has to offer. While Isaacson may be outmatched physically, he enters the ring with a clear mental advantage, hoping his deep historical knowledge will guide him through the fight. 

To Isaacson, this next chapter of mercilessly beating up frat kids is simply another opportunity to grow as an individual. As beautifully put in his book, “Leonardo da Vinci,” “ideas are often generated in physical gathering places where people with diverse interests encounter one another serendipitously.” It is safe to say that this next Social Warrior Club event will be nothing short of serendipitous.

Leave a Comment

Donate to The Tulane Hullabaloo
$1000
$1000
Contributed
Our Goal

Your donation will support the student journalists of Tulane University. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.

Donate to The Tulane Hullabaloo
$1000
$1000
Contributed
Our Goal