When I was a senior in high school, I started dating a girl who, as I later found out, had an eating disorder. A few weeks into our relationship, when we finally decided to go all the way, she invited me over to her place, and we were intimate for the first time. Predictably, it didn’t last very long, and afterward, we lay side by side in her bed. I was exhausted.

As I’m lying there, she reaches over to her bedside cabinet and grabs something out of the drawer. Now, I’m thinking she’s reaching for another condom or possibly some lube. She turns back to me, holding ¾ of a Subway footlong, and just starts chowing down on it, giving me absolutely no explanation. I’m completely uncomfortable, not sure what to do. 

As I’m inclined to do, I decide humor is the answer and remark — as a clearly mature young adult — “Why don’t you start on this footlong instead?” while pointing at my own schlong. 

She gives me a long look, then breaks out laughing, saying, “You call that a footlong?”