I started hooking up with this guy at the beginning of last semester. It was just pure fun, casual sex. Whenever either one of us was horny enough, he would come over, pick me up and bring me to his place. I wasn’t super “experienced” then, so doing something like this was sort of adventurous. 

While there were many red flags about this guy, I had decided to see everything through rose-colored glasses. He was attractive, and I felt like I was starring in my own porno. As time went on, the sex started feeling blander, and yet, if he was available, I would be at his place. 

He did have an odd ritual. You’re supposed to pee after sex, and considering we weren’t always the safest, it was necessary. Yet, whenever we were done, he would take me to the bathroom with him and he would — to say this as delicately as possible — urinate with me. I didn’t think much of it, considering it was usually an early morning after a night out. What made it odder was that he would talk to me while doing his business. To me, it felt domestic. To the friends I shared this information with, it seemed insanely weird. 

About a month and a half into this odd friends-with-benefits situation, he invites me to sleep over at his place. The next day, we have early morning sex. It was … fine. After we get cleaned up, he brings me to the bathroom for our ritual. He sits on the toilet and starts talking to me about football or some other thing that I don’t know about. In the middle of him yapping away, that’s when I hear it.  

A fart.  

I’m shocked. I let it go but was still very perplexed. He flushes, meaning that it’s my turn. I look in the toilet.  

A skid mark, right on the side. 

This man just took a shit in front of me. 

What. The. F–k. 

He drives me home, and that was the final time I was ever at his place.