This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Following her recent 818 Tequila promotion at The Boot Bar & Grill, Kendall Jenner has announced that she is moving to New Orleans for good for the “most rewarding” role of her whole career: becoming the newest line cook at the Boot.
Jenner, whose experience consists of being a model, business owner and nepo baby, was faced with confusion by loyal fans of whatever it is that she does, all wondering why she would give up her life of luxury for a minimum wage job at a bar that primarily serves underage children.
In response to these concerns, Jenner stated on her Instagram story yesterday: “Hollywood is just so fake and I’ve become bored with modeling, so why not experience living like the bottom 99%? It’s the logical next step in my career and journey for self-improvement.”
Fans were quick to point out that the job is much harder than it looks, and cited her cucumber-cutting incident of 2022 as it does not appear that she even knows how to cook. Bewildered, Jenner replied, “Wait. People actually do manual labor themselves? I was just planning on posing for photos while my personal assistant cooks.”
While many have expressed backlash for Jenner’s decision, Tulane students seemed to have reacted positively to the announcement. “I think it’s awesome that there’s a celebrity out there who cares about giving back to the community and is willing to confront the non-luxury reality that so many of us can relate to,” said a girl wearing a Martha’s Vineyard sweatshirt and Golden Goose sneakers.
Some students are still concerned and are unfavorable of Jenner’s move, however. “There’s too many transplants coming into this city and ruining it, we don’t need another,” said a Tulane freshman who refers to New Orleans as “The Big Easy.”
Rumors also continue to spread surrounding Jenner’s real motives for this job, with Fizz user “xoxo gossip girl” saying that she heard Jenner has been hooking up with a Sig Ep senior ever since she ventured away from the Boot to play flip cup at the fraternity’s house.
Whatever her true motives are or if she actually learns to cook for the job, it will certainly be interesting to see what Jenner does in her new role at the Boot starting next semester.
