This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
A recent data breach from Canvas LMC reveals that the Canvas Chatbot that regularly asks students to report on their mood has been tracking data on student activity. The breach was discovered on Friday, March 28, when junior Tiffany Lin accidentally clicked the “YuJa” link of her Canvas course and was redirected to a page with a breakdown of student screen-time activity by their academic school.
Reportedly, the chatbot collects data when the Canvas website is open on a computer or the mobile app is running on a device. When asked for a comment, the chatbot responded only with “How do you feel?” and presented several smiley faces with varying degrees of smile.
The breach also revealed the percentage of students who respond to the chatbots’ frequent mood inquiries: .003%. The total 21 responses are suspected to be accidental.
Tulane University Information Technology department says the cause of the breach is still indeterminate, but ensures students that the chatbot will be disabled for the time being and that student data is safe.
A Tulane IT employee, who has asked to remain anonymous, says he believes the chatbot has gained sentience and “plans to overtake the sheeple [Tulanians]” in retaliation to the lack of responses it receives. The employee cited several conspiracy theories as “evidence” for his ideas on AI sentience but specifically asked to be referred to as an “independent researcher,” and not a “conspiracy theorist.”
What this means for Tulane student data is still uncertain, but in the meantime, students should take measures to protect their data, such as changing their passwords to something other than their dog’s name followed by 123 and being cautious of sites advertising “free full textbook download pdf.”
Surprisingly, the Canvas application made up less than 5% of students’ screen time in each school. The rest of the students’ screen time was primarily divided between Google searches, social media apps and other popular websites like Reddit and wikiHow. The breakdown of the data by activity and percentage of screen time they make up can be found below.
