Uptown Affairs is a column for The Tulane Hullabaloo, addressing sex, hookup culture and all things dating. If you are a Tulane student, you can submit an anonymous story to be featured here. 

After spending three consecutive days during Tulane University’s Wave Weekend dodging questions about her love life from her mother, a friend of mine realized three months had passed in her situationship. Right as her mom asked her if she had been seeing anyone, her phone rang and his name flashed across her screen. A recent graduate, he wanted to be let into the student section at the football game. Later that night, she broke things off with him through a voicemail. She acknowledged their relationship would never progress and asked for her Ray-Ban sunglasses back.  

It was impromptu, bold and badass. I was sitting with her, watching it happen and was beside myself with shock. She had been trying to drop hints for weeks that she did not see their casual relationship going anywhere. Behind his back, we were calling him her “pen pal” because they rarely spent time together but were in frequent contact. She was in the habit of drunk-texting him to test him, and he always delivered with equally witty responses that would get our entire friend group cackling. The more she half-flirted, half-bullied him, the more invested he became.

Through all that, they never got beyond surface-level conversations. Now that he is out of her and, frankly, my life, I have some thoughts about situationships. 

Before I dive into my list, I think it is important to define “situationships.” Time magazine’s Myisha Battle described it as that blurry middle ground between romance and a casual hookup: emotionally involved, but without labels, commitment or any real long-term plan. It is the kind of connection where you date, flirt and build intimacy, but everything stays intentionally undefined. Sound familiar? 

The lack of future objectives is the whole point of situationships. It is all about being in the present moment and enjoying yourself without too many obligations. The lack of commitment is supposed to be a freeing and exciting adoption of the grey area. 

Here are some guidelines for navigating situationships. Take what you want, leave the rest:

1. Hope is a gateway drug. After roughly 30 days, if there is no conversation about where things are headed, it is best to say goodbye.

2. The third hangout is the perfect time for the “What are you looking for?” chat. If someone wants strictly sex while the other wants a romantic relationship, the third date is when that needs to be revealed. If you string them along beyond that, knowing full well you will never want the same thing, it is just mean. In my experience, the truth hurts, but deception hurts more.

3. If you are having trouble deciding what you want, resort to good old-fashioned pen and paper. Journaling can alleviate emotional stress and improve decision-making skills through a process of self-discovery. New York City-based psychologist Sabrina Romanoff said the process of externalizing a biased thought can provide clarity. Sometimes the answer becomes painfully obvious once it is staring back at you in ink.

4. If you only spend time together in private, be aware of that. Is that the nature of your arrangement, or is one party purposefully keeping you hidden? Secrecy is not a key ingredient for a successful situationship; that is a sneaky link. If you want a hookup buddy who you never see in daylight or tell your friends about, then you want a slink and not a situationship. Do not confuse the two.

5. We are approaching gift-giving season. You may feel inclined to get them a holiday gift, but I encourage you to take a beat before swiping your credit card. If they are serious enough about you that your name gets dropped at their Thanksgiving dinner table, maybe I will give you a pass. Otherwise, save yourself from the awkwardness of a one-sided gift exchange and enter 2026 unattached.

For most of college, I have been a fan of situationships and flings. I always considered them to be the best of both worlds, where friend time and romantic time can be well-balanced. The ambiguity felt liberating and chill enough to cram into my busy schedule. But now, as a senior, the countdown to graduation looms larger than ever. I would be lying if I said I didn’t care where things might be going with a situationship. Everything about the future feels unknown, and adding situationship to that list would feel like a betrayal to myself. Maybe my appetite for romantic risk has lowered — at least for now.