FULLABALOO: Hullabaloo Editor-in-Chief revealed as fraud

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Attention all Tulane students, faculty and staff: The Tulane Hullabaloo is ceasing publication.
The Rival reported that as Hullabaloo Editor-in-Chief Brandi Doyal is not a Tulane student, the paper has lost its credibility as a news source. Despite years of serving on The Hullabaloo, no one ever noticed Doyal’s fraudulent status. When Rival writer Fox Kavanagh discovered Doyal asleep on the orange couches in the basement of the Lavin-Bernick Center for University Life several nights in a row, he decided to bring his concerns to The Hullabaloo.
Upon being approached with this information, Hullabaloo staffers and advisor Tel Bailliet vehemently denied the accusation.
 
“There is no way [Doyal] didn’t get into Tulane,” Bailliet said. “I would be absolutely shocked. I mean there’s no way … Is there?”
Kavanagh, despite this, realized he was on the right track when President Michael Fitts sent a mass email regarding a Cow Cat memorial service, and Doyal did not receive it. Doyal had to ask Hullabaloo Chief Copy Editor Armando Marin to forward it to her.
 
When confronted by reporters from The Rival, Doyal continued to deny the accusations.
 
“I really did get in, I swear,” Doyal said. “I’m from Louisiana, so we get automatic acceptance.”
 
It was not until a night at T.J. Quills that the truth was revealed, primarily because Doyal presented a fake Splash Card and was tipsy after half a beer. The typical Tulane average is approximately 12 beers or seven mixed drinks.
 
“What else was I supposed to do?” Doyal said. “Plus, am I really at fault? If I’m smart enough to get away with this for four years, I think that I’m smart enough to be here in the first place.”
 
Since The Hullabaloo’s two readers vowed to no longer read the website or pick up print copies, there will be no more content. The Rival plans to take over the LBC office of The Hullabaloo as soon as Tulane University Police Department officers are able to remove Doyal from the chair she superglued herself to.