FULLABALOO: MattyBRaps to replace Lil Dicky as spring concert performer

Following backlash from a large portion of Tulane’s student body and other residents of New Orleans’ Uptown community, Tulane University Campus Programming has decided to boot Lil Dicky as the headliner of the annual spring concert. In his stead, world-renowned rapper MattyBRaps will grace the stage.

Protests erupted immediately after TUCP made the announcement that Lil Dicky would be performing. Most people who participated in the protests had been involved in the campaign to have MattyBRaps perform.

“I just can’t believe that after so many students demanded MattyB, we were ignored,” Undergraduate Student Government President Sam Levin said. “It’s just not right.”

Several influential members of the Tulane community have also expressed their support for replacing Lil Dicky with MattyB, including President Fitts, almost half of Sodexo employees and that really old, mangy cat that lives outside Wall.

After weeks of protests and a work strike put on by faculty in the Africana Studies Department, TUCP has finally granted the wish of hundreds of members of the “BFamily,” as his rabid stans refer to themselves.

“The Black community is 100 percent on board with having a real rapper come to campus,” Alexandra Jackson, a graduating Africana studies major, said. “MattyB is just the person we need to bring more cultural awareness to this PWI.”

Because of this headliner change, the concert will now take place at 4:30 p.m. to ensure that Mr. BRaps will have time to finish his supper before his bedtime.

“It’s really important that Matty gets a full night’s sleep,” the rapstar’s mother said. “He’s a growing boy, after all.”

Other accommodations being made for MattyB’s arrival include a daycare, pureed vegetables in Bruff and child locks on all the medicine cabinets.

“After seeing how passionate the students are about having this artist, we are willing to do what it takes to accommodate him,” TUCP’s events coordinator said.

The show has already sold out, and since TUPD has been disbanded, maximum security has been hired to keep crazed fans at bay.

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