This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

After an unusually high whippit season, involving piñatas, lawn ornaments and record-low post-Mardi Gras grades, Mushroom New Orleans now accepts Wavebuck$ for whippits. Projections by the Food and Drug Administration predict that whippit use in New Orleans will increase by 420% over the next five years as a result of this change.

The Wavebuck$ addition was started by a recent post on the popular Fizz app. The post asked students what new business they want to use Wavebuck$ at — 292 voted for Fresco’s, 503 voted for the Labyrinth, 617 for Insomnia Cookies and a whopping 4,420 voted for the Mushroom.

This vote sparked a massive petition to get Wavebuck$ approved at the Mushroom. The petition was sent to President Mike Feetz. Feetz, who naturally ignored the survey and at first, did not respond to The Fullabaloo for comment.  

Senior Ben Dover is one of the leaders of what has been coined the “Waive the Whippit Wallet Wastage with Wavebuck$” movement. 

“I have spent four Mardi Gras seasons watching my bank account go to zero after a few too many trips to the Mushroom,” Dover said. “A big part of why I came to Tulane was the Mardi Gras culture, which includes whippits as a pillar.”

Dover’s partner, junior Kent C. Strait, had a similar experience.

“Our parents pay $80,000 in tuition,” Strait said. “Nepo-babies, heirs, heiresses and legacy leeches alike have inherited our right to go here, and now we are deprived of an essential experience in the New Orleans culture.”

Following the petition, the Mushroom responded in a statement, saying, “We support the wishes of the Tulane community to exercise their American freedom by spending their money where they see fit. If the Tulane administration agrees, we will allow some of our products to be bought through Wavebuck$, such as posters, crystals, records and whippits.”

After the Mushroom statement, the petition grew to 6,781 signatures. The petition was handed over to Feetz, who finally relented and allowed the new contract between the Mushroom and Tulane.

“This has been a long time coming,” Strait said. “Finally, an issue the whole student body can come together on.”