This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. 

After a rise in prices from 2022 to 2023, Tulane University students hoped that with the current slowing of inflation they would see a change in their daily necessity costs, such as gas, groceries and happy hour. Unfortunately for all of us, prices seem to keep going higher and seem to have no chance of coming down in the near future. 

This frustrates many students, who feel the impact of inflation particularly at the local college bar, The Boot Bar and Grill. Students have seen a drastic rise in prices from 2023 to 2024, with classic drinks, like Boot Bombs, costing four times the amount they cost a year ago. And these cost issues also extend to The Boot’s food restaurant next door: Boot Pizza. Students have complained that a year ago they could afford a slice of pizza, and now a slice costs more than most textbooks at Tulane. Students have a right to be outraged. 

One thing is certain: college students cannot be successful without pizza and mixed drinks. But what to do about this calamity? 

Many Boot patrons this year are first-time voters and want their voices heard in this upcoming election. While other voters across the country will cast their vote based on surging grocery and gas prices, Tulane students will no longer accept higher Boot drink and food prices. 

These drastic increases in prices at Tulane’s favorite bar will spark a movement in the polls, with many students not afraid to vote with their drink prices in mind. Tulane students should not let this precedent continue anymore and should register to vote for the upcoming presidential election to protect their precious Boot prices. 

While historically, college students have lower voter turnout rates, Boot prices will incentivize Tulane students to get out to the polls. Already, student groups have mobilized to make sure their voices are heard in this upcoming election. 

A new student organization has recently been created titled Ballots for Booze, and they have already started tabling on McAlister. While most young voters are concerned about inflation’s impact in all areas of life such as retail, gas and service prices, these students are concerned with one thing only: lowering Boot prices and lowering them now. 

Fike Mitts, a sophomore dance major from Chicago, put it this way, “We are frustrated as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore!” If you are a struggling student just trying to get by on a diet of pizza and whiskey sours, make sure your voice is heard loud and clear on that first Tuesday in November. Or is it the second? Frankly, we’re too drunk to know.