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Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans

The Tulane Hullabaloo

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FULLABALOO: Joey from The Bachelor announced as new Tulane Women’s Basketball coach

Former Bachelor Joey Graziadei is set to begin a new journey as the coach of Tulane women’s basketball (Nathan Rich)

This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. 

In a shocking move, Tulane Athletics announced that the new head women’s basketball coach is going to be none other than Joey Graziadei, which may sound familiar to those in Bachelor Nation. 

Graziadei rose to fame after being the runner-up in season 20 of “The Bachelorette,” where he was left at the altar by Charity Lawson. However, he was given a second chance at love when the show announced he would be the newest Bachelor. In a drama-filled season, Graziadei navigated his way through 32 women, finally ending up with his true love, *SPOILER* Kelsey Anderson. 

Anderson happens to be a New Orleans native, and following their highly anticipated engagement, the couple announced they would be moving to New Orleans together to continue their relationship. While Graziadei was best known for his tennis expertise on the show, Tulane Athletics saw the potential Graziadei had as a basketball coach. Following in legendary Louisiana women’s basketball coach Lisa Stockton’s footsteps is no easy feat, but given Graziadei’s global fame, and his ability to handle pressure and stay true to his morals, the Green Wave believed he was the right person for the job. 

“I may not know basketball very well, but boy do I know women,” Graziadei said.

Graziadei’s resume speaks for itself. His tennis background proves his athleticism and competitive fire, two highly coveted traits in Tulane’s coaching search. He also proved on national television that he can handle pressure and execute his game plan, as he stayed true to his word and only said “I love you” to one woman, who is now his fiancé. Graziadei is unafraid of the critics, and his admirable performance on “The Bachelor” has given him a global fanbase. 

Tulane is making a surprisingly splashy move with their newest coaching hire. While Graziadei has proven to be a man of class as well as a pure gentleman, his basketball background is surely going to be questioned. However, this massive concern was answered when Graziadei gained national recognition again, this time for having one of the best March Madness college basketball brackets in the world. His picks have been absurdly accurate, as his 94.4% accuracy places him in the top 7% of ESPN brackets across the world.

Graziadei can simply do it all. He has the kindness and sincerity to connect with the student athletes, the athleticism and competitiveness to elevate their on-court play and the basketball chops needed to hold his own in the coaching realm. If Graziadei can perform as well as he did on “The Bachelor,” we might be seeing “history made” in Tulane women’s basketball next season.

“If I can handle 32 women on national television,” he said, “15 on a basketball court can’t be that bad.”

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