This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

In a bid to appease Tulane students complaining of the lack of Tier-2 service opportunities, “TIDES 3065: We’re So Back” will be offered next fall as a dual-enrollment course for freshmen. 

Upon seeing several inflammatory posts on the Facebook parent page, the Center for Public Service announced the new course in an email sent Monday. Signed “Ferda service,” director Agnes Nipple said she was delighted at the prospect of adding a new class to the department.

Nipple said Ewicka Woodwey will lead the course. “Ewicka is a frat party veteran and if anyone can lead the course, it’s her.”

With only 68 classes offered, “We’re So Back” adds a unique twist to the university’s service learning offerings, which traditionally focus on more lame as hell, womp womp, boof ass forms of service. 

“We’re So Back” defies the status quo of service learning, injecting social skills back into incoming freshmen who may have lost their formative socializing years during the pandemic. 

Woodwey is still developing the curriculum, but said she’s getting inspiration from various fraternities’ pledge tasks, different freshmen orientation programs and Pinterest. 

“We want to provide a well-rounded experience that not only encourages straight 10 out of 10 girls to mix with short kings that avoid eye contact with them on McAlister,” Woowey said, “but also emphasizes the kind of frat supremacy that produced last year’s leaked FIJI rush list.”