Uptown Affairs is a column for The Tulane Hullabaloo, addressing sex, hookup culture and all things dating. If you are a Tulane student, you can submit an anonymous story to be featured here. 

If you fell in love with someone living in the wrong place at the wrong time, what would you do? Would you rearrange your life for love? Many of us, myself included, had study abroad flings we cherished yet left behind. This is the story of a Tulane senior and her transcontinental love story.

Lilly hated the idea of being on Tinder at Tulane. It made her feel like she was in a fishbowl, constantly perceived. Before college, she had known love and wanted it again; she wrote poems, love songs and approached life with vulnerability. Casual dating never interested her.

In June 2024, Lilly moved into an apartment in Sydney, Australia, with two girls she barely knew. They were 20 years old, terrified and enthralled to be studying abroad on a new continent. Her roommates saw dating apps as a way to acclimate, scheduling drink dates with locals. Their enthusiasm made Lilly realize her anonymity in Sydney was a gift — she reactivated her Tinder, daring herself to abandon her hopeless romantic tendencies. 

Her Tinder bio read, “American girl here for one semester studying abroad. Looking for someone to help refresh my surf skills.” 

Ethan had just returned home to Sydney after a few months abroad in Europe, where he reveled in his newfound singledom. Before traveling, he parted with his on-again, off-again girlfriend of five years. He had no interest in a rebound and was excited to be single.

Both Lilly and Ethan had sworn off meaningless sex and long-distance relationships. And yet, one drunken night in July 2024, Ethan’s friend made him a Tinder account. He had no interest — until his friend paused on an American girl with red hair wearing a cowboy hat. His friend swiped right. 

On their first date, Lilly arrived early to the coffee shop, wearing her favorite green tank, and ordered a sandwich and coffee. Ethan was 10 minutes late and forfeited food, leaving Lilly to eat alone. 

Nonetheless, conversation flowed. He walked her to class and went in for a hug, but she turned away, worried about being late. He thought he blew it. Lilly liked Ethan, despite the sandwich faux pas.

Within a week, dinner dates became routine. Ethan suggested a game; they would order each other’s cocktails and try to guess the other’s preference. It failed immediately — Ethan likes fruity cocktails and Lilly prefers savory, but the ritual stuck.

Two weeks in, Ethan asked Lilly to be his girlfriend. The next day, he showed up with wildflowers. Ethan had always wanted to tell a florist he was buying flowers for his girlfriend.

As they tell their story, they interrupt each other and fill in forgotten details. “Doing things that didn’t seem convenient [for other girls] all of a sudden seemed very fun for me,” Ethan admitted.

About a month into dating, the couple embarked on a ten-hour road trip to Ethan’s favorite beach town, Byron Bay. 

“I was already in a mindset of … I don’t want to date anyone, which had already been proven wrong [when I met Lilly] … So, I was very unsure when I felt this way. So, I bit my tongue,” Ethan said. When Lilly fell asleep on his shoulder during the car ride home, he knew for sure.

For Lilly, it clicked around the same time. While she watched Ethan teach her roommate how to surf in the ocean, her friend beside her asked how she felt about the looming reality of long-distance. “At this point, it wasn’t even a question,” Lilly said. “We’re going to stay together.”

Since getting together, the couple has endured three periods of long-distance dating, never longer than three months. Lilly said keeping up effort, even when apart, was key to keeping the romance alive, and having a set reunion day. Ethan said if seeing each other is an “if” instead of a “when,” you might be doing long distance with the wrong person.

“The extra effort with the minimal reward is what’s so sweet,” Lilly said. For milestones spent apart, they sent flowers. “You don’t stop dating the person just because they’re not there.”

The couple fought more when they were apart, but Lilly said it was because with less contact, there is less context. “You will fight more,” she said. “It’s a side effect of long-distance, not necessarily an indication that your relationship is souring.” 

Ethan recommended “one big phone call every day,” preferably before bed.  If there is a time difference, he advised texting them throughout the day regardless. To know they are thinking of you can feel grounding. 

Ethan said others’ opinions mattered to him growing up. “The girl you’re with brings you a lot of brownie points,” he said. He admitted to pursuing people because it was encouraged, not because he genuinely enjoyed their company. 

“You go for looks over personality and put up with obvious red flags or clashes in personality because this person matches your aesthetic type. You try and convince yourself into situationships … because [that person is] hot,” he said. 

But the thrill of the chase and the obsession with looks is a flame bound to extinguish. Situationships are a black hole; they suck you in, and it can feel nearly impossible to escape. 

“If you are trying to fill an urge and experience what college has, there’s nothing wrong with going around sleeping with people … but if you’re letting it seep into friendships and friend groups … you need to think with your head,” Ethan said. 

Ethan’s biggest qualm with Tulane’s hookup culture zeroes in on male friendships on campus. “It’s very foreign to me that two frat guys who are best friends could hook up with the same girl. There’s a very weird connotation of what you prioritize as a human being.”

Ethan is on a year-long work visa in the States, his education temporarily paused. After graduation in the spring, Lilly and Ethan will return to Sydney together to start their next chapter. He still has two years left of his degree to complete at the University of Sydney.