Every year, incoming Tulane University students are asked to make one of the most anxiety-inducing decisions of college: Who are you going to live with?
I’ve been lucky. When I arrived at Tulane as a Spring Scholar, my first roommate was someone I already knew well. Now, I live with someone who started as just a roommate but has become one of my closest friends at Tulane.
But I’m here to make the case for something that might sound counterintuitive. Sometimes, it’s better not to room with your best friend — or even someone you know at all.
Living with a best friend seems ideal in theory. You already trust them and assume that compatibility will translate into shared living. But friendship and living together require different skill sets. Being someone’s best friend doesn’t automatically mean you’re compatible when it comes to sleep schedules, cleanliness standards, social habits, study environments or boundaries.
Right now, my current roommate is very different from me. She is pre-med, while I am pre-law. She likes to sleep in, while I prefer early mornings. I’m pretty social whereas she sticks to her friend group. We get along well now, but when we decided to live together, we barely knew each other.
Sophomore Elie Friedman-Lowenthal chose to live with her best friend at Tulane in her second year. “I think the fact that we didn’t room together freshman year allowed us to build a solid friendship before living together,” Friedman-Lowenthal said.
Because Friedman-Lowenthal and her roommate had already built trust and learned each other’s personalities and habits, the transition to sharing a living space felt natural rather than stressful. Instead of navigating the awkward early stages of becoming friends while also figuring out living habits, they were able to communicate openly about expectations from the start.
In Friedman-Lowenthal’s case, the roommate situation worked out well, showing that choosing to live with a close friend, after taking the time to establish the friendship first, can sometimes make the experience even better. But not all friendships-turned-roommates will succeed.
“I think if you have any hesitancy at all about whether you should be rooming with that person, I would lean into you shouldn’t, because this is someone you are spending days snowed in, days rained in, hard times with your family, when you’re homesick,” Friedman-Lowenthal said.
This much is true: Your roommate will see you at your best and your worst. When I’m having a hard day, she’sthere waiting for me, helping me feel better. When she’s sick, I make sure she has medicine and tea to help fight off a cold. My roommate is a big part of the reason Tulane has become my second home.
More than anything, the experience taught me to keep an open mind. While choosing a random roommate might seem like a risk, choosing the unknown might lead you to one of the best friendships of your life. The person you barely knew on move-in day might be the one who makes you feel the most at home.