Submission from form:
Why do I keep letting Tulane guys wreck my life? Maybe it’s the attention, the validation, the chase. Maybe it’s the hope that it’ll turn into something meaningful. Or maybe it’s just the environment. For months, I was tangled up with a guy who never quite claimed me, but never quite let me go either. Everything feels temporary, but the emotions don’t.”
Sincerely,
Situationship Warrior
Dear Situationship Warrior,
I am sorry to hear you were put through the wringer in a recent situationship. Being plagued by a romantic gray area is a rite of passage at this school, like going to a Thursday Pitcher Night at The Boot. Consider this a testament to your authentic Tulane experience.
You mention that the emotional turmoil of your situationship is “wrecking your life.” The frustration and pain that accompany situationships are a defining element of Tulane’s dating landscape. I have zero doubt that you dealt with mixed signals, poor communication and plenty of red flags.
That said, the nature of situationships is precisely what you describe: a purposeful lack of obligation or commitment. It works for some, but not for others.
When people engage in a situationship consensually, that grey area is kind of the whole point. It can be fun and freeing. If you are looking for guidance on navigating situationships, refer to my prior guide.
However, it seems to me that the success or failure of your situationship isn’t the issue; it’s that you didn’t want to be in a situationship in the first place, and the guy you write about did.
If you are hoping that your situationship will evolve into something long-term and meaningful, then you are searching for a serious relationship, not a situationship, and should make that clear moving forward.
Flings are not for everyone. If it is stability you seek, I recommend you prioritize that rather than holding out hope for someone whose affinity for casual sex may never change.
I understand the appeal of staying in relationships that confuse us more than they fulfill us; the highs and lows are intoxicating. So is the thrill of the chase.
Maybe we cling to the hope that the other person will come to their senses and decide they want the same thing. Or, maybe we are a pinch sadistic and enjoy putting up with the misery.
Either way, you are not alone, Situationship Warrior. If it is any solace, the hookup culture at Tulane is only temporary. Hold onto hope. You never know who you will meet, who will surprise you or how much fun you will have with your friends when you stop looking for the right guy.
If you know you want a serious relationship, entering the dating scene with clarity will serve you well. Understanding what you want will help you get it, or at least bring you peace that you’re not missing out on another anxiety-riddled situationship that makes your head spin.