The Arcade’s guide to stress-free New Year’s resolutions

Tyler Mead, Associate Arcade Editor

With the new year upon us, many students are on a quest to better themselves, making a slew of improbable resolutions that are forgotten by February. Luckily, The Arcade has a few doable suggestions for anyone trying to “better themselves.”

Cut the fat. A few may take this advice more literally and finally venture to Reily Student Recreation Center more than twice this semester. For some, it might even be a shock that such a place exists, full of people in dubious neon spandex workout clothes.  For everyone else, let that fat be from personal lives. Remember last semester when the realization that 21 credit hours might be overwhelming and you turned into a coffee-fueled zombie, unrecognizable to your friends? And then you ate those friends? Cut back. This semester, focus on your nightlife and looking less like a creature of the night. That person you met the first week of school who seemed great but turned out to be a soul-sucking vampire can go, too (we’re looking at you, Cowen). Don’t dwell on blood-sucking Satan worshippers (or other bad people in a more general sense). They’ll do nothing but ruin your year.

Quench your thirst. Hydration is important, and so is healthy (meaning consensual and safe) sex. Hopelessly pining after someone without making any actual efforts to move forward just results in self-pity and loathing, and face it, that might be worse than vampires. Chances are, the person you’ve been ogling all night at The Boot won’t notice you until words are exchanged or you finally develop that telepathic sixth sense you worked on over break. Take a chance, and put yourself out there, even if “putting yourself out there” means rubbing your pelvis against someone else’s until they ask you to go home with them or tell you you’re a terrible dancer. If it doesn’t work out, oh well, but if it does, then what happens next is between you, your partner and the roommate you just kicked out. Regardless, you’ve gotten closure, and that’s better than a long, festering “what if” question.

You do you. Yes, finding clubs, activities and friends to fill time really does make college better, but what makes it way better is worrying less about other people. Just because other people have different interests doesn’t actually mean yours should link up (read: just because somebody is a vampire doesn’t mean you should become a vampire). “Be yourself” is a watered down way of telling people to stop caring what others think. Life will be so much better the second you stop caring and actually start enjoying yourself. Even better, you don’t have to care what other people do. Let others do what they want, and let yourself be fine not being involved or unnecessarily judgmental. Unless they’re vampires. Judge vampires.

Have fun. The average Tulane student is only here in New Orleans for four or five years. Take advantage of it. There’s a reason every stranger who asks, “where do you go to school?” has such an annoyingly repetitive response after hearing New Orleans. Despite the recent spike in Tulane’s vampire population, people are jealous of us. Plain and simple, if presented the chance to spend four years in NOLA, most people would jump at it. Here we are, with a bunch of friends, in a crazy cool city. Let loose, explore, and enjoy the place. Just be safe enough so your parents won’t demand you come home.