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Intersectional Confessional: “People like me don’t get raped”

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Intersectional Confessional: “People like me don’t get raped”

Margaux Armfield | Staff Artist

Margaux Armfield | Staff Artist

Margaux Armfield | Staff Artist

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Intersectional Confessionals is Intersections’ new column that highlights personal narratives from students from marginalized identities. This installment focuses on a student’s experience with sexual assault and may be difficult for some readers. For more information on Intersectional Confessionals, read our letter from the editors.

Yesterday, the man who assaulted me waved to me as I passed him on McAlister Drive.

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t realize that he assaulted me. I’m pretty sure a lot of the rapists on this campus wouldn’t categorize themselves as such.

It happened on the first floor of Mayer in the second semester of my freshman year. I was into it until he took what we were doing way too far without asking, way further than I would ever consent to going. It hurt, I said no, he stopped (consent comes before, bro), the damage was done. He was older and pretty clearly more attractive than I was. It was my first experience with casual sex.

I didn’t understand what happened. I actually gave him a blow job, worried he would get upset if I got up and left before he finished.

It wasn’t until I felt how sore I was the next morning in the shower that I really took stock of what happened and let myself cry. It wasn’t until I described the encounter to a friend and her roommate said, “Dude, that’s rape,” that I really understood. I laughed, as if to say, “Rape, ha, people like me don’t get raped.”

It took me months to stop laughing it off. It took me months to let myself feel violated, to let myself be angry. And I am angry, and sick and sad.

If I didn’t even realize, how could I expect him to? The culture surrounding masculinity on this campus and beyond, especially for attractive, cisgendered white men tells him that of course he can do anything he wants without asking. It isn’t within my purview to have a problem with something that he’s into.

My friend made out with him at The Boot, calling him “an asshole” when I told her to be careful for her safety because of what he’d done to me. It didn’t stop her. She called him “aggressive,” but it came out like she thought it was hot.

The culture here — the culture that taught me not to understand that someone literally forcing themselves inside me without asking constituted assault, the culture that tells this man that’s a perfectly acceptable thing to do to a drunk 18 year-old, the culture that tells my friend that hot white men can’t be dangerous — has to change.

And please stop waving to me.

The writer of this article wishes to remain anonymous. She is a sophomore in the School of Liberal Arts. 

If you want to contribute to Intersectional Confessionals, email us at [email protected].

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2 Responses to “Intersectional Confessional: “People like me don’t get raped””

  1. Dear Lord on November 3rd, 2017 4:45 pm

    Dude, no one tells people “white cisgendered men can’t be dangerous.” This story isn’t about how “cisgendered white men” are dangerous, it’s about how *this guy* was dangerous. I’m sorry it happened to you, but what a racist, straight-phobic conclusion to draw.

  2. Nathalie on November 22nd, 2017 2:46 pm

    The point is that typical fear mongering politics in Western countries have always–historically and currently–targeted POCs, as opposed to white men. The point is that you can’t always recognize the rapists among the white, heteronormative, cisgendered men celebrated in Tulanes frat culture. The point is that this person was able to tell’themselves that this wasn’t rape. The point is that because her aggressor was part of a group holding most of the wealth and power in the United States, she was made to question her own thoughts, and feelings, and became unsure of how things actually played out. Imagine spending months wrestling with feelings and still being unable to figure out what actually happened, because the boy who raped you waves and smiles at you. Imagine knowing full well that you are no one to him, yet that you will never forget his face. Imagine knowing or even just worrying that if you told people what happened, nothing would happen. Not all men are rapists, but all men could be, and the sad sad sad truth is that most men are: do you think Senator Al Franken spent a lot of time thinking about how the unconscious woman he groped in a photo felt about that photo, how those events impacted your life? There is no such thing as racism against those that hold most power and wealth in this country, and who are in a position of making decisions that will never affect them or anyone close to them without any accountability (i.e. Pence making a decision on Affirmative Action, labor laws, the right to choose, etc) so maybe you should try and avoid further discrediting a rape victim, and expressing opinions about complex, sometimes traumatizing situations that I can only assume you’ve never experienced, or else I highly doubt you would post such a comment. Hopefully you take some time to introspect during this holiday and ask yourself if you contribute to Tulanes destructive culture of white supremacy and misogyny! Have a great day.

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Intersectional Confessional: “People like me don’t get raped”