The Tulane Hullabaloo

FULLABALOO: What’s in our cooler? A guide to frat formal essentials

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It’s frat formal season, and that involves an annual exodus to the beach. If you painted your cooler way too late and are scrambling for what to pack, Arcade’s got you covered. Here are our essentials for a happy, healthy weekend.

Pedialyte

Gatorade who? Pedialyte is the new go-to drink for those missing electrolytes. It helps eliminate dehydration and comes in a variety of forms including ice pops and powdered “Power Packs.” We’re not suggesting you mix it with water and use it as a chaser, we’re simply reminding you it’s an option.

Sunscreen

Since you’re a Tulane student, you’re probably going to Alabama, and you’re probably ridiculously pale. Luckily, you can prevent skin cancer (and not come back looking like a tomato) by using sunscreen. We recommend SPF 30 and constant reapplication for best results.

Lots of Cheap Beer

I know being a college student is expensive. That’s why we said cheap beer. No one’s expecting the fancy craft stuff. What they are expecting is enough beer to be able to dance to Lil Dicky on the beach in broad daylight without feeling ashamed.

Condoms

Please don’t make us explain why you need condoms. We don’t care if you’re not planning on doing anything. Someone’s going to need one.

Opaque Water Bottle

The key word here is opaque. Outside of New Orleans, open container laws exist. DO NOT ruin your life because you decided to carry your drink to the beach. Be smart and pour it in an opaque, reusable bottle. You and your clean arrest record can thank us later.

“War and Peace” by Tolstoy

Just some light beach reading.

Cleaning supplies

Whether you are staying at a hotel, motel or a Holiday Inn, cleaning supplies are key. We’re very serious. You are dirty and your friends are dirty, and one of you is going to spill something. So if you don’t want to pay an insane cleaning fee — which you probably still will — cleaning supplies are a must.

Matzah/Matzo

You may be spending the weekend intensely partying, but it’s still Passover. This low fat, high carb unleavened bread will help you soak up all the alcohol in your stomach while still staying Kosher.

Moist Towelettes

Great for when you spill something on the go or want to clean up any awful situation involving liquids.

Healing Crystals

Do crystals actually have healing powers? We don’t know, probably not. Would it hurt to bring a little mesh baggy of shungite crystals to place in your water, possibly giving you a stronger immune system and advanced enzyme production? Definitely not.

Sleeping Bag

There are so many uses for this. If you want to spend the night under the stars on the beach, if your date vomits in your bed, if you get sexiled, the list is endless. If you’re going to have to knock on your friend’s door at 3 a.m., you can at least impress them with your preparedness.

Ice

It’s hot out. Ice is cold. You do the math.

Lil Dicky’s Discography (This one’s for you, ZBT)

As many of you know, Lil Dicky is coming to Tulane on April 6. You can relive the glory of his concert by bringing his entire discography to the beach and playing it on repeat throughout the weekend. The Hullabaloo’s personal favorite is “$ave That Money.” 

Dignity

The most important part of any frat formal is to have fun and be yourself! If drunk you likes to drink seven too many drinks and pass out in a pile of your own vomit, however, you might want to rethink that. Have fun, but also maybe chill out. Just a suggestion.

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Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans
FULLABALOO: What’s in our cooler? A guide to frat formal essentials