This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.  

It was about time for the sororities to finally decide to organize their own fight night. Watching the frat boys throw punches at each other, the girls couldn’t help but be a little jealous, especially of all the attention they were getting. 

The Panhellenic Council finally came to their senses and put together a sorority fight night for the first time, planning for it to happen each fall. It’s both an exciting and nerve-wracking experience. I just know the ring will be packed. I mean, we know how frat fight night works, but watching some sorority divas throw hands? That’s some drama the Kardashians wish they had.

Panhel also knew they would make bank from the fight night for their philanthropy. They’re charging $100 per ticket.

Anyways, it’s all fun and games… right?

According to my personal inside scoop, “Pi Phi has been waiting for this because they have a secret animosity towards Kappa, especially since Kappa took all their girls during rush!” and another source told me that “all the thetas want to fight each other but they would settle to fight Phi Mu.”

I also heard that an Aephi slept with a Tri Delta’s boyfriend and she has been waiting to get her revenge. Another anonymous source remarks, “SDT would win because they would just sit on the opponents and crush them.”

And the ring girl? It has been decided that Tulane’s President Fitts himself will be the ring girl— or should I say ring guy. What a surprise! I heard the boys at Sig Chi and Zeta were sooo jealous. 

Well, I guess we will see you guys in the fall. The date is still TBD, but we’ll keep you guys updated! Make sure to check our Instagram for updates. 

XOXO,

Panhel Love