This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only. 

Tulane University announced the opening of a secondary indoor practice facility on Thursday. It will be located on Claiborne Avenue directly next to the existing “bubble,” completing Tulane’s plans to make the Uptown skyline as ugly as possible.

The project is made possible by a $22 million gift from the Oschner family. The complex will be known as the Bill Oschner Operations Bubble or B.O.O.B., for short.

“We could not be more excited to announce the final phase of our construction project, which will be so vital to powering Tulane Athletics,” Athletic Director David Harris said in a press conference early Thursday. “Our athletes’ level of play and focus will be remarkably increased as soon as they even see the B.O.O.B.”

Complete with a 60-foot-tall, inflatable, moving cover, the practice field will feature a field about 75 to 80 yards long, a structural choice designers made purposefully. 

“If there’s no jiggle, then it ain’t B.O.O.B.,” B.O.O.B. head architect John Tatas said. “We want you to see the recoil, that’s our signature industrial design.”

Tatas, a Tulane architecture alum, said he got his inspiration from his wife, Bonnie.

“With the two bubbles side by side, we estimate the total width and size will be a 34DD,” Tatas said. “I’m pretty familiar with this size; it’s the design I specialize in.”

Tatas’ designs can be found across the country at other university sporting complexes. Tatas’ next project will be designing a B.O.O.B. for Louisiana State University, after a special request from renowned gymnast Livvy Dunne.

“I’ve always wanted to do cartwheels in a giant bubble, and once I saw Tulane was getting a B.O.O.B., I knew LSU was the next natural choice,” Dunne said. 

The B.O.O.B. will be outfitted with state-of-the-art athletic equipment, including multiple racks and an abundance of big ol’ jugs so athletes can stay properly hydrated.