The Tulane Hullabaloo

FULLABALOO: Student confused about “Give Green” campaign accidentally solves climate change

Hannah Erbrick, Arcade Editor

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Ashley Chen | Layout Editor

This article is for The Fullabaloo, The Hullabaloo’s satirical April Fool’s issue. The information and interviews below are completely fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

Tulane hosted its second annual “Give Green” campaign on Tuesday, March 19. “Give Green: A Day for the Audacious” is a 24-hour event that gives students the opportunity to give money to Tulane University. However, the purpose wasn’t clear for all students.

“I thought it was a day for the environment,” junior Kevin Burgess said. “Like, maybe it was about ‘going green’ or something.”

Burgess wasn’t alone in his assumptions. A recent poll sent out by The Tulane Hullabaloo revealed that 79 percent of students thought #GiveGreenTU was “environmentally related.” The same poll also revealed that 92 percent of students don’t bother reading an email at all if it contains the word “audacious.”

“Give Green” was a day full of treats, games and great photo-ops. Even the least-involved student could grab a donut hole or get glittered. The efforts put into the celebration seemed to pay off. “Give Green” was a certified success. At just halfway through the day, Tulane had raised $139,330 from over a thousand donors. To everyone’s surprise, the day achieved far more than just money.

“I felt really inspired by the ‘Give Green’ campaign,” sophomore Isabelle Hoffman said. “I’m so happy that the university took a day to focus on one of the biggest issues facing my generation: the environment.”

Thousands of young people across the world, particularly in Europe, have been protesting their countries’ unwillingness to take action against climate change. The movement is taking a stand for the Earth that these young people will inherit. They believe it’s up to them to secure their future home.

“Ours has to be the generation to end global warming,” Hoffman said. “I wanted to be a part of it. I just kind of lept into action.”

While other students were enjoying snoballs and temporary Tulane tattoos, Hoffman was hard at work. She spent the day reading up on environmental efforts across the world, particularly in progressive countries such as Finland and Sweden. She then researched current infrastructures in less environmentally friendly countries. Synthesizing all the information and forming a solution took some reflection.

“I took a walk around Audubon [Park] to think it all over,” Hoffman said. “But then it came to me – the solution for climate change! It’s so simple, we just – hold on, I’m getting a text.” After reading the text, Hoffman appeared indignant.

“It says: ‘did u really spend all day in the lib? U know give green was to get money for tulane, right?’ What? But the name … I thought it was about being green. Like, environment green.” Hoffman walked away without another word, muttering under her breath.

Hoffman was still disgruntled when The Hullabaloo reached out to her a few days later, but admitted that #GiveGreenTU was “pretty audacious.”

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1 Comment

One Response to “FULLABALOO: Student confused about “Give Green” campaign accidentally solves climate change”

  1. Anonymous on March 28th, 2019 2:34 pm

    #Greenwashing

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Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans
FULLABALOO: Student confused about “Give Green” campaign accidentally solves climate change