This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.  

A recent Tulane University survey reveals that students are dropping their majors in favor of a different, less traditional path: DJing. A separate survey across Greek life shows nine out of Tulane’s twelve fraternities have DJs who plan to pursue a professional career after graduation. 

In response to the recent demand, Tulane has released a new DJ major under the Music Studies department. A concentration in EDM is also available. The curriculum boasts classes such as MUSC 1010: Introduction to Disc Jockeying, ANTH 1080: House Music Will Never Die: the Everlasting Legacy of House, and PSYC 4050: What Would Fisher Do: the DJ Mentality. 

The addition comes just in time for this year’s sophomore class, who must declare their major by the end of the semester. “I can’t wait,” says sophomore Chris Pond, “My life began the day I heard In the Yuma.” 

Additionally, renowned DJ and producer John Summit, known for his transition from accountant to famous musician, will speak at the A.B. Freeman School of Business at an event meant to inspire emerging artists. 

The new change begs the question: if everyone is DJing, who will become this generation’s entrepreneurs? Engineers? Electricians? Plumbers?

As a preemptive measure, Elon Musk, dean of the School of Engineering, has released a statement discouraging students from leaving the program. 

“We understand the appeal of a career as a DJ, but we would like to emphasize the benefits of a career in engineering. We refute the negative stereotypes associated with engineering students. I can say with full confidence that 100% of our students report robust social lives, and beyond that, 0% possess a caffeine addiction or receding hairline. We ask you to not turn your back on your future. Say no to a lifetime of day drinking, booth girls, and ‘vibes’.”