This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.

2026 was a big year for Tulane University Greek life, with some major shakeups in who’s Touse and who’s Bouse.

This season’s biggest riser was SAE, which jumped five spots after completing mandatory consent modules earlier this year. Another fraternity to improve their score significantly was Phi Kap, which gained significant aura after their depraved hazing came to light. 

TEMS stayed at the bottom of the ranking after they accidentally switched their vat with saline solution, leaving seven dead and many more bored at their white lies party. Sig Chi fell significantly after embezzling all of the Mardi Gras money to pay for bag. Results/Ksig has fallen compared to their rivals, Delt, as they lose the fizz wars.

KA fell in the rankings, as they can only get Tri Delt to mix with them. 

Sig Chi topped the sorority rankings for the seventh year in a row. Their dominant run has been characterised by having the prettiest girls that everyone wants to mix with. Light Theta has pulled ahead of its Dark Theta counterparts in recent years, helped by several strong PCs with bubbly personalities.

ROTC, despite being a relatively new sorority, had been on an upward trajectory, but the war in Iran is sure to draw their attention away from doing whatever sororities do.

After the disastrous IDF-SDS mixer and the failed encampment date party, SDS has significantly fallen off, with only the unrecognized TUPD and several Loyola fraternities willing to mix with them. 

Pi Phi has seen its stock fall the furthest, as videos of its members saying the N-word continue to circulate. Their inability to hide their racism behind closed doors has led to several frats cancelling their mixers with the organization. Despite their attempts at allying with the Fizz mods and using bot accounts to inflate the number of likes on their posts, none of the tall, handsome boys will talk to them.