Airing of Grievances: ‘Tis the Season to be Cuffing

Dear Cuffing Season,

As the temperature drops from a temperate 70 to a chilly 65, girls are digging out their sweaters, guys are wearing flannels and people are pairing up. If you were to make a graph of temperature versus the desire to “cuff,” as they say, it would just be a diagonal line. I can only be thankful I didn’t go to school in the Northeast, where cuffing has been in full swing since mid-September when the first leaf hit the ground. But even in the subtropical climate of New Orleans I can’t seem to escape the desire to cuff.

Listen, I get it: it’s colder and you’d rather stay inside to Netflix and chill. The holidays are coming up and maybe it’s the fact that you’ve watched “Love, Actually” four times in the last week that’s got you feeling romantic. Or perhaps it’s the stress of finals that have you so busy that you just don’t have time for your regular prowls at The Boot Bar & Grill. Whatever the reason may be, suddenly there’s pressure to settle down.

Could you maybe chill? I just came here to have a good time this December, and I’ve honestly felt so attacked. Every ad, every movie, every song is about lovey-dovey couples cozied up for the winter and it makes me sick.

I’m not here to say I’m above you Cuffing Season. I too, have found myself enticed by your whimsical allure. I’ve imagined having a boyfriend to keep me warm this winter. I’ve daydreamed about someone to go on coffee dates with, to watch cheesy winter movies with and study late nights with during finals. For once I’d like to be able to answer in the affirmative when my relatives ask the pesky boyfriend question over Christmas dinner.

But if everyone is looking to cuff why am I laying in bed watching “Holiday Baking Championship” alone? All around me it seems that my friends’ casual hookups are becoming bona fide baes. Meanwhile the only date I can get is with Howie T.

While I’m a little offended no one has decided to settle for me yet this “szn,” I do not envy my cuffed companions. New Orleans does not stay cold for long, and when the temperature heats up, the relationships will cool down. So, Cuffing Season, enjoy your waning weeks, I’ll be the one laughing come spring.

Happy holidays,

A Single Kringle

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