The Tulane Hullabaloo

News: Frat boy takes stand against sexual violence with new laptop sticker

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Saturday started like any other day for Beta Apple Pi pledge master Chad McDoucheface. He went to the gym, watched a few episodes of Entourage, hit a couple gnarly spikeballs on the quad and then checked his mail.

What McDoucheface found waiting for him in the package line, however, would make Saturday a day to remember. As he eagerly tore away the packaging, the fraternity brother realized that he was about to change the conversation on campus with some sick activism.

Two weeks earlier, McDoucheface made a decision to order a Time’s Up sticker in support of women coming forward about sexual harassment and violence. He placed the sticker on his laptop for everybody to see, with no shame about his stance on the issue.

“Sexual violence is ridonculous,” McDoucheface said. “It’s like the time I blacked after a rough game of pong and Tyler drew dicks all over my face in sharpie. The damage is humiliating and permanent.”

Many members of Beta Apple Pi are stepping up in the wake of McDoucheface’s bravery to make similar statements. Social chair Todd “Todd” Broski followed suit in declaring his support.

“Chad is an absolute homeboy, and if he’s standing up for women then I’m down for the cause,” Broski said. “I actually just made a Facebook post saying that all this Me Too stuff is f’ed up. Uh, I mean the people who were doing the bad stuff, not the women who are reporting it. The women are, like, totally cool.”

Beta Apple Pi brothers said they were moved by McDoucheface’s laptop sticker statement. Many of the members have coined the phrase “Chad-vocacy” to commemorate his bravery.

Fraternity brothers are not the only ones celebrating McDoucheface’s laptop activism. A wave of support for Chad-vocacy is sweeping across campus as others applaud his stunning bravery.

“Chad is just the sweetest guy in the world,” Emily Farfelstein said. “We need more nice Jewish boys like him to take a stand in ways that matter. Activism is, like, so hot!”

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Student newspaper serving Tulane University, Uptown New Orleans
News: Frat boy takes stand against sexual violence with new laptop sticker