This article is entirely satire. All information and interviews below are fictional and for entertainment purposes only.
Several fraternity members were transported to the hospital by Tulane Emergency Medical Services after a professor accidentally mentioned the number 67 in a business class on Monday afternoon.
According to a statement from Tulane University President Michael Fitts, these students had an acute case of “67 mania,” a form of psychosis induced by the repeated mention of 67, a popular TikTok joke.
The afflicted individuals were sent to separate institutions, as being around one another risked repeated exposure, potentially harming their well-being and long-term recovery.
Campus Health also sent out a campus-wide email to warn about the new disorder, which was recently added to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the authoritative guide for diagnosing mental disorders. Some of the symptoms include uncontrollable hand motions, acute insanity and immediate loss of brain cells.
TEMS has been forced to adopt protective measures to avoid being affected by 67 mania, like wearing hearing protectors. However, the protective equipment poses challenges in itself, as the team on site was unable to communicate with one another about treatment for this mysterious type of disorder.
Following the incident, Fitts has issued a campus-wide ban on the mention of the number 67.
“This situation should not be taken lightly. It would be a detriment to Tulane’s finances if students suddenly start dropping like flies.”
There was no concern in Fitts’ message about the physical and mental well-being of the impacted students — only mentions of the financial implications it would have if Tulane lost the tuition money coming from their parents.
Not all students are affected by this disorder, and many can hear 67 mentioned without any side effects. According to the limited research on the disorder, scientists seem to think fraternity brothers studying business are particularly at risk.
None of the students impacted could respond to The Fullabaloo’s request for comment, as they are all currently unable to say anything but “67.”